Here I was, 'twas getting late – not only in the evening – but also for my 4th year university software engineering project to be finished. Like all software engineering projects, I am behind schedule – except there is no extension on this one. Whatever is done by the deadline is what I hand in. I am working with a piece of software known as Microsoft Visual Studio, which works, even though it and I have some ‘misunderstandings’. I find myself trying to compile my program, which happens to be a browser helper object (a.k.a. a plug-in for Internet Explorer), and receiving an error message. Fair enough.
Error messages happen all the time. Syntax errors. Math errors. Whatever, it doesn’t matter. You fix the problem and you move on. That’s soft eng for you: code, then fix. Repeat as necessary. This particular error message was somewhat troubling: it was a compiler/linker error. So what happens when you get an error like this? You Google it. This is how things get done in software engineering: Google the error code or error message and find yourself a quick fix, and it doesn’t take a differential diagnosis or theoretical physicist to add up this little equation: 1) I don’t have time, 2) I don’t care what the problem is, or rather, what the correct solution is, and 3) someone has probably already had this problem before, and so therefore: the answer is out there somewhere on the Internet. QED, the Google will have my answer.
A quick search of the trouble codes yields an explanation of said error, on the Microsoft documentation web site for Visual Studio of course. Apparently, I need administrator access in order to perform said operation. That’s funny, because I am pretty certain that I installed this operating system, and I am also pretty certain that I am logged in as the administrator. The explanation is creatively unhelpful – as if someone wrote the explanation in order to reverse thousands of years of evolution and the entire progress of technical human knowledge. So at this point I do not feel like actually solving the problem because I don’t really care, and I certainly don’t want to figure out what I am actually doing wrong – I just want a hack that will make this go away, because the technical documents are making me ill - or maybe I am overdosing on caffeine.
Like I said: Code. Then Fix.
No worries though. There is one thing that will always get you out of this mess. Google. But I suppose I already mentioned that. So here we go again: same search, except I append “administrator privileges” to the error code. This is almost guaranteed to work, and I’m willing to bet a couple percent on it. Jackpot. In the search results is a link to the MSDN Forums. As I read the first post, I realize that this guy has the same problem as me: “[error message number 12345NN4321 blah blah… I already have administrator privileges]” this is good, I think, so I keep reading. Scroll down a little further to the next post… success? No. This is the best part. The guy who posts this little gem says (and this is almost word for word): “Sounds like you need administrator privileges!”
Ho-ly shit. I lost it. Not only had this guy had not said anything useful, nor did he tell us anything that we did not already know, but he had so much respect for his fellow software developer that he didn’t even read his post! You have to be a pretty shitty human being to be asked a question, and then answer by stating a fact that was in the question itself.
Q: "What is 2+2?"
A: "Sounds to me like you're adding!"
Uhh... what... the fuck? What are you? Are you the paper clip from office parroting back what I already know?
I couldn't help but think to myself: “Over here! I found another one Jim! He raises his kids to talk in the movie theater, fart in the elevator and shit in the public pool!” And I bet this guy sleeps like a baby at night, when instead he should be fearing for his life, because he doesn't know that he might not make it past getting dressed without killing himself.
Yes, I had found one. Another failed human being. This one’s an engineer.
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